Monday, May 25, 2009
Sometimes i just hate myself for being so forgetful. Forgetting all the things my parents have entrusted me with, only to be disappointed that i fail. I just hope that i can excel in both studies and in life as well...
But you cant just totally blame me for being forgetful. And people do have flaws. Doesnt that apply to me as well? They just want to 'cultivate' a daughter that is capable of doing everything perfectly to allow them to focus on their work.
However, even if i do forget things, it's like a few times only. How can they just based on my few times of forgetfulness and say that i've not done well and keep giving me all the long faces. I just keep seeing her face when she comes home, only to be greeted with another chain of naggings and scoldings. He would be standing at one side, frowning.
She told me that he is utterly disappointed in me...
Wow. That's an encouragement. They think that they dont have flaws themselves. Trying to perfect someone is not that easy. Why me!? Im getting so sick and tired of having to do almost all the chores in the house now. Though it's my responsibility, the moment i forget, the nagging comes.
I dont receive praises from them much. The reason:
She says that i would be too proud and fly to cloud nine, forgetting my duties.
Great. What a splendid excuse.
Ever tried being told by your own parents how disappointed they feel about you?
I did.
She said that he has given up on me. Actually, i dont really feel sad. Because i have already known it from quite awhile ago that our relationship would not be very good, but im quite surprised that it's about to end that soon...
Though there's this pain, but i guess though they say they understand me inside-out, i doubt so.
I guess i know them much more than they know me.
They never tried to be in my shoes.
But im glad at least in studies, they do not force me too much and just say that working hard is good enough. The rest depends on my fate...
My life is quite interesting, come to think of it. I should write a journal about it and maybe let others know what family problems i've been through...
Ok shall stop here. Getting more and more depressed as the number of words typed out, increases.
-My happiness has ceased. I have nothing.-
Fullstop.
